Embrace the awkies

In the summer of 2014, Cody and I were studying the book of Job through Jon Courson's weekly teachings. After digging into his teachings, we both talked about how we were a little concerned the Lord was preparing us for something pretty hard. We even joked about quitting the book of Job because we were worried about the outcome. 5 months later we lost our first child through miscarriage and lost our second child through miscarriage 3 months after that. In retrospect, it's completely evident the Lord was preparing our hearts for what was to come. (Um..big time-DUH!) And because of that, I am so thankful for His faithfulness to strengthen my spirit in advance. 

If you haven't read the book of Job, it's important to know that Job was considered blameless before the Lord. Job suffered greatly by losing everything he owned, losing his entire family and suffering from a painful illness. Often times, Christians will find comfort in this book of the Bible because Job suffered so much and still persevered through it all. Most importantly, he DID NOT turn away from the Lord in his suffering. When we experienced our difficult season, I loved reading about Christians who suffered and persevered because it encouraged me big time. So naturally, I revisited the book of Job after our losses and now I have a list of ways you can be there for someone who has lost a child through miscarriage or stillbirth. 

In chapter 2 of Job, his friends hear about his great suffering and well, let's see what the Bible says:

"Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, each one came from his own place—Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. For they had made an appointment together to come and mourn with him, and to comfort him."

Pretty awesome but here's the best part....

"So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great."

"And no one spoke a word to him!" They said NOTHING! Well, look at that! What did they say? Nothing! 

And so we begin The Do's and Don'ts of caring for someone who has miscarried or lost a child through stillbirth.

The Do's

- THE BIG ONE: Be okay with not saying anything except maybe an "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through."
- LPT: View their loss as if they lost a 6 month old baby. It will help your perspective quite a bit. 

- Be present and create a safe place for them to go. 

- Pray for them tons! 

- Send/deliver meals, treats or care packages to them.

- Remember them on hard days such as: the baby's due date, Mother's Day, the day they lost their baby and any other milestones. Send them a card or something thoughtful around those times. 

- Ask them how they are doing and ask them often. If their response is brief, be okay with that and trust that you loving on them is working, even if it doesn't seem like it. 

Furthermore, Job's friends eventually mess up (because apparently too much silence gives them a case of the awkies) and start giving Job reasons for his suffering. I imagine the root of this is to make those who are suffering figure out what they need to learn so their grief magically disappears. But that's not how it goes, my friends. Let's just leave it up to the Lord to teach them everything awesome and holy and perfect and in the meantime we can just be present! So Job responds to his friends' imperfect advice by saying, in Job 16:2,

 "I have heard many things like these; you are miserable comforters,all of you!"

Ouch! And so we begin the Do Nots (Or the Don'ts or the how to not be a miserable comforter).

The Don'ts 

- Don't talk about how they can have another baby. Nothing can replace what was lost. (Remember the 6 month old example.)

- Don't offer unsolicited advice if you haven't experienced it yourself. I mean, you can try but most of the time this doesn't end well and you are no longer that safe place.

- Don't worry about making them cry by asking them how they are doing. 

- Don't complain about your pregnancy or kids around them.

- Don't expect their grieving to end quickly. 

- If you are pregnant, don't expect them to be there for you in a way others can. Please be okay with this. I know being pregnant is so wonderful but it also fuels a selfishness that is just silly. Be okay with them being excited for you from a distance, but don't ignore them. (Thankfully my friends and family were so gentle with me through this.) Acknowledge the elephant in the room. Here's an example: "I know it's so hard for you right now so if you can't [fill in the blank] I totally understand and love you." Easy Peasy! 

I hope this helps even one relationship out there. As a friend or relative, you have an awesome opportunity to be there for someone in a way that no one else can. And it's not because of this silly list I made in the notes section of my iphone; it's through Christ in us. When we stop considering our feelings and focus on the needs of those who are hurting (yes, even through the awkies) we totally glorify the Lord and can impact someone's life big time. Now, get to work! 

Our Story

I have prayed about this post since December 4, 2014. Not because I was anxious to share the story about our struggle, but simply because I knew that the Lord wouldn't want me to be quiet about what He was going to do in our lives. In the midst of trials and difficulties, God has revealed Himself in such a near and intimate way. This has been the absolute hardest season we have ever experienced, but through it, we have seen the Lord work and heard from the Lord like never before.

I asked the Lord if I should share our miscarriage story in detail, but He said, "Nope, tell them what I've done". There really is nothing great about our trial except for what the Lord has done through it. I would be more than happy to share my story as the Lord leads me to, but I don't think that's just yet. :)

So in a very short story, on December 3rd, Cody and experienced our first miscarriage at 12.5 weeks. The Lord's nearness in our experience and pain was absolutely unreal. He spoke these verses to our hearts just that night alone: "My strength is made perfect in your weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9), "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord" (2 Cor. 5:8), "all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28). The Lord in His great and mighty presence spoke His Word to our hearts in the most needed times. That alone will always be so sweet to us!

Every normal person battles with the question, "Why?". "Why, Lord, when we did everything right? Why, Lord, when we didn't miss a single day or night to pray for our child?" And the Lord answered us with Acts 17:27, "so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, thought He is not far from each one of us;" And Ecclesiastes 3:1 " to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:" I have seen the Lord live out Ecclesiastes 3 in our lives in such a rad way. We've had times of sorrow, deep sorrow, and the Lord gave us sweet seasons of laughter. It was so encouraging to see the Lord bring us in and out of those seasons and recognize that the seasons of laughter in our home were from Him. (we even had a few seasons of dancing in there, too!)

Months after, the Lord reminded me of how He answered one of our prayers. On my way to work the morning I found out I was pregnant, I prayed that our child would grow up knowing and living for the Lord, that our child would ultimately know Christ personally. We prayed this all the time for our child. God reminded me that through this trial, that prayer alone was answered. As sad as our story may be, God answered our prayer from the beginning, from the day we found out we conceived. Again, that alone gives us so much peace!

In March, we experienced our second miscarriage at 6 weeks. We got to a place where we were lost and so confused and shocked that we lost another child. We prayed asking the Lord what He wanted us to do next. It really went something like this, "Lord, what in the world are we supposed to do now?" One night, Cody prayed that the Lord would speak to me in my dreams. That night, I had a dream that someone was speaking to me and they were giving me different verses from the Bible. In response, I was writing them down. I woke up while receiving the third verse that said this, " I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go". (Psalm 32:8) "Well, Lord, okay then!

I could seriously write forever about all the Lord has done in and through us. Ultimately, I want to share how the Lord was so near to us and ANYONE can have that same nearness with the Lord. I will admit it has been quite a roller coaster of seasons and when we say it has been heavy and dark, we mean it! But my desire is to "rejoice in HOPE of the GLORY of GOD"(Romans 5:2).

 Our message to you: Don't miss out! Don't rob yourself from all God has to speak into your life by wasting it on temporary things! Investing in things made by man mean nothing if you don't know the Lord and what He speaks in His Word. Read His Word! Satan is winning if your Bible is collecting dust. God's Word is living and active and wants to transform your life! Get to it, friends! Get to it!

Simply beautiful!

From Saturday 

first christmas recap (slightly belated)

It would be shameful for a self-proclaimed Christmas lover (such as myself) to not post about my first Christmas as a newlywed. With that, here is a peek at the beginning of our Christmas traditions.

Our first ride to Cody's parents on Christmas Day.

Our new Christmas gifts in full use, of course. 

(day backpack and bicycle baskets...yipee!)

Beachcomber Cafe at Crystal Cove for lunch with coworkers. 

(The beach in December? Yes, please!)

 christmas lights.

 Our first Christmas!

-A Christmas tree with a flat top. 

- An old bed sheet for our tree skirt.

- A 25 cent yard sale find to top of our tree.

the best Christmas gift - ever!

Untitled from Ashley Rivera on Vimeo.

Merry Belated Christmas!

My husband is the best!

Vancouver/Seattle

Friends!

Being a wife is the best. I love waking up next to my husband-it's wonderful!

I can't believe 2011 is over and that we are close to celebrating our one year anniversary. (which by the way, will be spent here and I cannot wait!)

Here is a recap of our trip to Seattle and Vancouver. We scored two vouchers from that canceled flight I shared with you all last year. With our vouchers we only paid 4 dollars for our tickets-what a deal, right? We stayed with some of Cody's family in Seattle and took a train to Vancouver where we spent two days.

Mighty O's.

Cousins

Who's that handsome guy with the blue/green hair?

penguin love

train time

steam clock

houseboats. no big deal

Vancouver

I ♥ riding bikes.

suspension bridge

The only place I had on my list to visit was Top Pot donuts. Thankfully, we brought an entire box home with us. I think that was my favorite part. :)

The first of many (I hope).

Through God's faithful, faithful, faithful provision, Cody and I were able to join the Navajo Nation mission team. We traveled through California and Arizona to arrive in Navajo Mountain, Utah. A place populated with less people than the number that visit a local Starbucks on an average day. We were so so blessed to serve on such a trip.

Our team was made up of twenty junior highers and a great team of leaders. We learned so much and tried new goodies like ginger tea, Navajo tacos, and mutton, that my stomach proved to survive. God used the junior high kids in ways beyond my teeny expectations. I was blown away by their boldness and willingness to serve our Lord. It encouraged me to be more busy about God's work in my daily life.

Day 1: A van full of boys with Cody as the pilot and myself as the co-pilot, of course. It's not a van full of 13 year-olds unless Justin Beiber is nearly playing on repeat accompanied by singing loudly and dancing wildly. On a side note, I'm proud to say that some of my dance move creations were adopted in this Justin Beiber dance party. Those years of amatuer choreography as a kid, proved to pay off here. Moving on, we drove for nearly 9 hours and arrived safely at our campground in Grand Canyon National Park, Arizona. It was such a blessing to camp in such a beautiful place!

Another blessing from our Creator, just for us!

Day 2: We watched the sunrise at the Grand Canyon and had a time of devotionals with a wonderful view of the Grand Canyon. After packing up camp, we were off to Navajo Mountain, Utah, where we met these wonderful people along with many others.
Day 3: We spent the day encouraging the church through God's Word, skits, worship, puppets, games, and crafts. It was encouraging to see the youth use their talents for God's glory.

The Navajo people were so welcoming. It challenged me to be less self-centered and more loving to others. We talked, played with the kids, worshiped together, and ate together.
Day 4: The evening prior, we were informed we would be leading all of the church services - children, youth, and adults. We planned a few lessons and were beyond blessed to encourage them again in worship and God's Word. (personally, my favorite day). After an eventful church service (2 hours), we packed up our vans and trailer and trekked via caravan to this beautiful lookout accessible to only those who knew the off-road trail.

Following the great view, we embarked on a crazy 30 minute off-roading adventure to Hawkeye Arch.
Meet Hawkeye Arch.
After our visit to Hawkeye arch, we said goodbye to Navajo Mountain and began our trek to Kayenta, Arizona. Through God's faithful provision, we found the perfect camp site and the most interesting restrooms. (See Below).
We all agreed the view from the toilet was speechless and 100% worth it. Plus, how many people can say they saw lightning while using the toilet? (I can!)
Day 5: We started our day with a tour of Monument Valley.


Day 6: We camped another night at this breathtaking location (compliments of a local church) and said goodbye and began a day of evangelism in Kayenta, Arizona. All vans split up and God moved in each area. After great conversations with strangers were had, and seeds were planted, we began our journey to Lake Mead where we would debrief and head home the following morning.

And so concludes our wonderful Navajo mission trip. Anxiously awaiting the next...

Yo-seh-muh-tee

Well...Remember when I shared about how much of a horrible hiker I am? And how little I know regarding this recreational activity? Well, that's still true, but I recently experienced a place that provides nearly instant gratification with it's magnificent views, saturated greenery, and cuddly (maybe?) animal friends apart from strenuous activities.

Yosemite!

Despite my ignorance and lack of consistent exercise (let's face it-exercise at all) I will admit that the view after a rigorous hike makes the mental battle worth it. In any case, Yosemite offers breathtaking views without much necessary effort from my feet, which makes it the most wonderful mini adventure!

With our new double sleeping bag and hiking gear in tote, we embarked on our first minivacation as "The Ankers" alongside our somewhat newlywed companions. We later found out that waterfalls were releasing record high amounts of water. Here was the estimated measurement provided to us...one of the falls was releasing enough water to fill an olympic pool every 6 seconds. Another fall could fill up a diesel truck tank every 2 seconds. So cool!

Now, onto the photo favorites to make up for my lack of description...

These were shot by Cody with his Polaroid Land Camera Automatic 100.

Half Dome

View from one of our hikes.

Nevada Falls

Tunnel View

Upper Falls

Until next time, Yosemite!

Honeymoon.

I can officially write a post about my wonderful honeymoon with my handsome husband. Yipee!

Most of our time was spent eating at local cafes and venturing to every coffee shop to satisfy Cody's latte goal; that is, enjoying a latte/vanilla latte at every coffee location. We met a lot of interesting people this way, learned about the good eateries around town, and stumbled upon an open poetry night. We played Scrabble, used the fancy bike lanes all around town, and enjoyed catching up on much needed reading. Most of all, we delighted in the company of each other as newlyweds - as husband and wife. So fun.

Many of our tasty treats.

On our way back to LA.

Beautiful Boulder, Colorado.

Anniversary Beginnings.

With the wedding quickly approaching, Cody and I decided to make a video to mark our first pre-wedding anniversary. We hope to make one for every wedding anniversary and reflect on all the changes, growth, and experiences we have each year.
(don't mind the weird faces)

We don't anticipate this to be the most telling experience considering our audience is our future selves (during our next anniversary), but we look forward to reflecting on these memories as anniversaries pass.

Until then...


ENJOY!
(if you will..)

(again, don't mind the funny faces)

Twelve days...

...until I marry the man I love.

Shouting into an infinite abyss! Update.

Mom doesn't need chemotherapy treatment!!

Can I get an Amen?!?!

We found out last week and mom was beyond overwhelmed with thanks.

"I'm crying and I don't know why I'm crying. I'm just so happy!"
- Mom

Those are the best tears. :)

-Ash

My Mom.

My mom is the most wonderful of wonderful. The most beautiful flower on a perfect spring afternoon. She is a breath-taking sunset on a desolate beach. She is my mom. :)

There are instances in life that I will always remember :
`where I was when I discovered there was a terrorist attack on 9-11
`the time I fell off of my sister's pink bike (5th grade)
`when my mom always made spaghetti for dinner
`the time I decided to accept Jesus as Lord and live to follow His perfect will
`throwing away my forks after dinner
`the family meeting where I found out my mom has breast cancer

In life's difficult situations, sometimes we are brought to a place in which we begin to contemplate about life in ways the average day would never bring. Perhaps our mind wanders to the past when life seemed more simple, there was less change, and everyone was in perfect health. Perhaps our mind wanders to the regrets of not exchanging kinder words, showing more expressions of love, or refraining from the busyness of life. Perhaps we would question the meaning to the current dilemma, how it could have been prevented, or what life would be like without it.

I had a conversation with my mom last week about her favorite verse; "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;" Proverbs 3:5. We were talking about how God knows us so well as evident in that promise. It is so easy to worry about life's circumstances (jobs, finances, health, children, school, relationships, fill in the blank) and even easier to try and solve it in all the wrong ways. But it's in these times that we have no better option than to remind ourselves of God's promises for us(for you).



My mom (I don't know what age). God knew her sweetness in this photo. He knew the life she would have ahead of her and, Oh!, was he preparing her!

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."
Jeremiah 31:3

Another photo that I know nothing about, but God knew and knows.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Our God surpasses our understanding, time, and space. He is the Creator of the Universe. He loves us more than we will ever know. His plans are greater than we can ever comprehend.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

There is nothing sweeter than hearing my mom sing worship songs when she doesn't think anyone is listening. There is nothing sweeter than seeing her at peace with life's circumstances and wishing to satisfy her evening sweet-tooth. There is nothing harder than a husband seeing his wife in pain and unable to remove it. There is nothing harder than having hopes of an end only to find out it's only the begining.

I encourage you to reach out to someone you haven't before. Give someone the gift of time, even if you don't know what to say. Most often, words aren't needed. Pray for someone NEW. Love someone NEW. Serve someone NEW.

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you." Isaiah 26:3

Change

I don't know how to begin without using a cliche by including lines like, "change is hard" or "change is good" or even "what is change?"

Anyway...

I WILL say that there are wild changes going on around here!

1. I have officially completed the courses to receive my Bachelor's degree. (Woohoo!)

2. The doctor found bad cells in my mom's body which means trouble. Pray for healing.

3. I will forever have a certain ring on my finger until death do us part. (if you know what I mean)

4. I am learning how to rennovate a home and loving every bit of it.

5. Wedding planning involves a little more than I expected, but I love that, too.




a few more notes...

My friends are the bomb-diggity. I love, love, love them. (I even like them).

I like hugs at this time in my life so feel free to give me one, please.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Blessings.

I am blown away by God's blessings.

I will never understand the magnitude of God's love for me.

With my little understanding, I am grateful (beyond words!!) for the loving people God has used to encourage, strengthen, and love me. (even if it means ugly-face cries)

My unworthiness reveals how WORTHY God is to be praised.

"You will show me the path of life;

In Your presence is fullness of joy;

At your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Psalm 16:11

A letter from my mom.

Photo by Cuba Gallery



Dearest Family and Friends,

I just returned from visiting the surgeon. She was very thorough in explaining everything to us and provided the different scenarios for us to consider as we endure the treatment process.

I should actually have Albert explain this to you, since he is a little bit more keen on medical terminology. But oh well...here goes...

I have been diagnosed with intermediate ductal carcinoma. Since the previous surgical procedure was to confirm the diagnosis, an additional procedure is necessary to collect more breast tissue to determine if my cancer is invasive. (If it has spread) The surgeon feels that the chances of me having invasive cancer is unlikely but wants to remove more tissue to rule out invasive cancer.

I have a mammography scheduled for next week and surgery scheduled for November 29th. Depending on the results I will then have the option of doing another lumpectomy with radiation treatment or may consider a mastectomy with reconstructive surgery. I have some time to think about my options between now and my future results.

Either way, I am ok with what needs to be done. I have been feeling the love from everyone and just want you to continue keeping me and actually all of the family in your prayers.



Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
and with my song I praise him.



Much Love,

Astrid

He = Glory

"He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name's sake."

Psalm 23:2-3

In progress

I have become confident in my own self-righteousness. I have been lying to myself. I am a work in progress. I am no one without the righteousness given to me by the work of Jesus Christ in my life (still, not my own). As a girl, a human, a student, a non-confrontational person, [insert label here], I have always found it somewhat difficult to establish friendships greater than the superficial hodge podge. I am highly reserved, which I really don't consider a bad quality most of the time, but my continued reservedness feeds my (already selfish) thoughts with false concepts of self-righteousness.

I know humility is not in my DNA. If it was up to me, of course I would want everything to go my way. But I can rejoice in the fact that God willingly teaches me humility. He knows I have so much to learn. Oh, how often do I forget that humility is not to be achieved. Weird, right? It shouldn't be!

I'll admit. It's hard for me to tell someone when I screw up.

Here's the least-humbling, greatest self-righteous part: it becomes easier when the difficulty subsides and I have nothing to share except for the victory I achieved through that horrible, selfish time in my life (but don't forget the part where I was victorious, wonderful, and holy). What a sickening way to think, but I'd be lying if I told you otherwise.

This is not what God wants in my relationship with Him and with brothers/sisters in Christ. No problems; only victories. That would be nice, but where's the part where I take up my cross? It lacks a growth in understanding, grace, and love.

I would love (I mean, love) to make it seem that I have everything together, that I always know what to do, or that I have all the answers, but God can't work with me or teach me if I strive for my own righteousness and take His place. If I'm not honest with myself, I rob God of all His holiness and glory in my life.

So I would like to think that everyone allows a degree of self-righteousness to plague their life at some point (or maybe it will just make me feel better if i think this way). Either way, I encourage you to be more real than before. Share difficulties while you're drowning in them so a brother or sister can be there to lift you up (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). Make sure you go to God first, of course.

I promise I will do the same. :)

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Try me, and know my anxieties;

And see if there is any wicked way

in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 139:23-24

"For I say through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith." Romans 12:3