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Tomorrow I am going Hiking. When other people mention plans to hike, there is power in the words. At least for me, I think about how, most of the time, I express it in a way that implies I am an “experienced” hiker. What does it mean to be experienced? I definitely couldn’t tell you.
5 hikes = experienced?
1 hike without getting lost = experienced?
I guess it doesn’t matter.
It’s funny to think how often I try to claim I know something when I don’t. Oh, my pride! In the process of preparing for Mt. Whitney in August, Cody has helped me with all the necessities. How much more proof is needed to confirm that I have no idea what I’m doing? Hiking shoes? For what? Last time I went hiking, I was at Maunawili Falls wearing my Toms. Did I know what I was doing? Not a chance! But I definitely felt like I had accomplished something .
What I am trying to get at is this...Despite my stubborn desires to want to KNOW everything, or feel as if I know what I am doing (when I really have no idea), there is comfort. Even when I try to explain to Cody that I don’t want to be babied, but I still need help, it just becomes a confusing cycle of ambiguity. The times I tell God I need guidance and wisdom, but find my own, easier route, it also just becomes a confusing cycle of ambiguity.
This definitely reflects a lot of the changes that have happened, are currently happening, and will happen in the future. As much as I want to say, “ I’m doing this and this and that when I graduate and working here while living here and having this many babies” - there is comfort in not knowing. In the same way, it is hard to admit when I am clueless; that I have no idea what shoe to pick, why some hiking shoes weigh more than others, the importance of a bag liner, what a bag liner even is, that a bladder can exist outside of my body and on my back, etc. etc. etc. But in that waiting and learning, there is anticipation, peace, and a little anxiety that make you feel accomplished once you get to that place. It’s the same with God. Just as the beauty of God’s creation is revealed as we climb to the peak (yes, a word I recently discovered), the beauty of God is revealed in those times when we don’t know. We eagerly anticipate that place that seems like such a big deal to us, when it may even be worthless, if the trail taken was spent staring at the ground. Even when we reach that place, we still might be clueless, but God is faithful.
I get anxiety over a lot of things. I have ideas. I get anxious. And start planning almost always too early in advance. A lot of times, my persistance to do things the way I want them to be done only results in disappointment. Plans fall through and it most often results in an unpleasant outcome. How often does that happen with the bogus plans I make for my life through my anxieties to have answers? Okay, God… Here is my plan. Does that sounds good? Um.. I think that was a Yes. Okay here we go…WRONG.
So despite the fact that I don’t know what is next, I’m going to enjoy the hike; digging deeper into understanding the needs of each piece of armor along the way. Join me.
It’s funny to think how often I try to claim I know something when I don’t. Oh, my pride! In the process of preparing for Mt. Whitney in August, Cody has helped me with all the necessities. How much more proof is needed to confirm that I have no idea what I’m doing? Hiking shoes? For what? Last time I went hiking, I was at Maunawili Falls wearing my Toms. Did I know what I was doing? Not a chance! But I definitely felt like I had accomplished something .
What I am trying to get at is this...Despite my stubborn desires to want to KNOW everything, or feel as if I know what I am doing (when I really have no idea), there is comfort. Even when I try to explain to Cody that I don’t want to be babied, but I still need help, it just becomes a confusing cycle of ambiguity. The times I tell God I need guidance and wisdom, but find my own, easier route, it also just becomes a confusing cycle of ambiguity.
This definitely reflects a lot of the changes that have happened, are currently happening, and will happen in the future. As much as I want to say, “ I’m doing this and this and that when I graduate and working here while living here and having this many babies” - there is comfort in not knowing. In the same way, it is hard to admit when I am clueless; that I have no idea what shoe to pick, why some hiking shoes weigh more than others, the importance of a bag liner, what a bag liner even is, that a bladder can exist outside of my body and on my back, etc. etc. etc. But in that waiting and learning, there is anticipation, peace, and a little anxiety that make you feel accomplished once you get to that place. It’s the same with God. Just as the beauty of God’s creation is revealed as we climb to the peak (yes, a word I recently discovered), the beauty of God is revealed in those times when we don’t know. We eagerly anticipate that place that seems like such a big deal to us, when it may even be worthless, if the trail taken was spent staring at the ground. Even when we reach that place, we still might be clueless, but God is faithful.
I get anxiety over a lot of things. I have ideas. I get anxious. And start planning almost always too early in advance. A lot of times, my persistance to do things the way I want them to be done only results in disappointment. Plans fall through and it most often results in an unpleasant outcome. How often does that happen with the bogus plans I make for my life through my anxieties to have answers? Okay, God… Here is my plan. Does that sounds good? Um.. I think that was a Yes. Okay here we go…WRONG.
So despite the fact that I don’t know what is next, I’m going to enjoy the hike; digging deeper into understanding the needs of each piece of armor along the way. Join me.
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:11
